


When I See You

by AccioMarina



Series: We Loved So Fiercely Even The Gods Were Jealous [2]
Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Grounder Bellamy Blake, Soul Bond, sky person Clarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 03:02:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6406126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AccioMarina/pseuds/AccioMarina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke lives on the Ark, while Bellamy lives on Earth. Somehow the two have a connection that lets them see into each other’s lives and experience what the other feels. “It’s called a soul bond,” Abby tells Clarke, “The first in 100 years.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I See You

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Ok so this idea came to me when I was watching the movie In Your Eyes and this glorious one-shot just sort of evolved out of it! Enjoy

_"Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidence." –Emery Allen Poe_

**I**

Bellamy is following his mother through the forest on his first hunting trip. It's a right of passage for boys his age in his village. Normally his father would take him, but since Bellamy's dad left him and his mother the job falls to her.

Bellamy's mother makes a motion with her hands for Bellamy to duck behind a bush. He dose so, without making a sound. That's one of the first things you learn, how to walk through dense undergrowth without alerting anyone or _anything_ to your whereabouts. Bellamy had taken an immediate liking too it, he felt as though he was a part of the forest instead of simply moving through it.

The forest feels peaceful to him he can hear everything. The birds, the rustle of leaves, even the gentle steps from a deer. He can hear the whole forest in its vast enormity; it's beautiful.

His mother pulls back her arrow and aims it up into the trees. Bellamy can just see the colorful feathers of a bird partially covered by leaves. His mother steady's her arrow and takes a deep breath. Bellamy knows she needs silence to concentrate, he knows not to make a sound.

Then he hears it. At first it's just a soft whimpering sound, but soon it builds volume like an avalanche until it's a high burning cry in his ears. A baby's first cries infiltrate his every sense. He can't think, he can't make sense of anything with her cries. The only one thought rushing through his five year old head is that he has to find her.

"Do you hear her?" Bellamy whispers frantically to his mother while tugging on her soft fur coat.

"Bellamy!" His mother warns, her voice is sharp. She pushes his hands away turning her arrow back to the bird.

The cries grow in his ears, making him squirm in his tucked position behind the bush. He has to move, he has to get to her. It's like a squishy panicked feeling in his gut; it's making him restless his panic only grows along with the cries.

Why isn't someone stopping this? What is happening? The cries pound in his ears almost like she is screaming right next to him. Than the cries grow quieter like the baby is moving away from him. Bellamy jumps up onto his feet without a second thought and takes off into the dense undergrowth his mother screaming after him.

"Bellamy," she yells, "Bellamy you come back here!"

But Bellamy can't be bothered to answer her, his feet and mind moving without his control. He has to reach her; he has to stop her cries. He has to see her, to feel her, to touch her, to make her laugh. He just has to. His entire central being is now shifted to her; he can't feel without, he can barely even think until he finds her.

But he never does. He runs and runs and runs. Still the baby moves just out of his reach, just out of view. He can never catch up in time. Then just as soon as they had started the cries stopped. The forest became silent around him again, like she had never been there at all. Bellamy realizes with a jolt that she was never here in the forest with him, she was in his head. Only he could hear her. Bellamy can feel the whole world crashing down on him _she's not real._

"Bellamy!" His mother came crashing through the forest to his right.

She looks wildly around the meadow Bellamy was standing in the middle of starring up at the sky, just as the isolated space station made a pass in the stars over head of them. The exact spot where the cries has stopped.

Bellamy turns a teary face towards his mother, "I can't hear her anymore."

His mother doesn't question him. She drops her bow and walks to the middle of the clearing towards her son.

"You'll see her again." She says this like it's a promise; part of Bellamy knows it is.

"She is your _komme de cou._ Your chosen." Bellamy nods along with his mother, his head resting against her stomach.

He'd heard people in their village speak in hushed voices about what it meant to have a chosen. It was the person who you shared half a soul with, the person who you were destined to some day meet and love. But people in the village whispered about having a chosen like it was a death sentence instead of a gift.

"Love is weakness", is what they had said in harsh tones whenever a chosen was spoken about. Bellamy didn't know what that saying meant, but the words now felt like a rock in his gut; hard, cold, and distinctly harsh.

Miles in the sky above Clarke Griffin is born to the parents of Jake and Abby Griffin. From her first breath, the cries that forged a connection, her fate is sealed. She will forever share a soul with a boy who walks across the Earth, while she can only dream of trees and rain from her metal cage high in the sky.

**II**

Clarke first feels the sun on her back when she is five years old. This should be impossible. Clarke lives on the Ark in space, with its high-pressure windows where the suns rays and their heat can't penetrate. And yet as she sits at her small metal desk in a classroom filled with her peers she can feel it's welcoming heat on her skin through her thin frayed t-shirt. Clarke thinks it feels soft like a light caress across her skin, barely there yet still so comforting. Until it isn't.

Clarke lets out a high-pitched scream as the heat on her back begins to sizzle and burn her skin. Suddenly she isn't sitting in a classroom starring at a black board, but she is in a forest looking a two blood stained hands. Surly they aren't her hands? No, they belong to a boy with shaggy brown hair standing in front of her. He looks a little older than her, ten maybe. Even from her position close to him, he almost towers over her.

A tall burley man slaps the boy across the back and hauls him up to his feet. Clarke's eyes widen as she takes in their clothing. The boy has on black leather pants and big warm fur boots. His shirt look to be made of some hybrid cotton and fur fabric, he has a black leather jacket that is way to big for him draped over his shirt. The burly man standing behind the boy is dressed just as strange; maybe even worse with black paint smeared over his eyes.

"Good job, boy! Your first kill and your first kill mark!" The man laughs as he pats the boy's shoulder. The boy gives off a tiny smile, just a twitch of his lips barley there at all.

The boy reaches a finger up to poke at the boiling skin just on the back of his shoulder. Strangely Clarke can feel the boy's fingers ghosting over the same spot on her shoulder as well. The boys fingers press lightly around the edges of a circle that had been burned into his – no their – skin. Clarke can feel it on her back, a numbing sizzling pain. She places her fingers over where she can feels the boys, hers now tracing the matching mark on her shoulder. _A kill mark._

The boy presses the middle of the circle with his finger; white-hot pain shoots up through Clarke shoulder and onto her neck. She lets out a surprised whimper her knees crumpling beneath her. The boy's eyes flash up to hers, as if just noticing her for the first time.

He reaches forward to stop Clarke's fall. Now that she can see his eyes, she definitely likes them best. They remind her of the colour of chocolate that she had seen pictures of in the library. She swore she could paint galaxies in his eyes, even at the young age she was, they captivated her.

"Where does it hurt?" Clarke notices that he has freckles lining the bridge of his nose.

She presses her finger to their matching burn marks, and watches as the boys face pales slightly. He can feel it too, Clarke realizes. He looks guiltily down at her.

"I'm so sorry." He whispers to her gently, like he's afraid she might turn him away, as he carefully inspects the burn mark on her shoulder.

"What's your name?" Clarke asks already forgetting about the pain.

"Bellamy." The boy says his name slowly to help Clarke mouth it out. Big words were still hard for her to say.

"Bell-a-me." Clarke sounds out in response smiling when Bellamy gives her a nod meaning she got it right.

"My names Clarke." She gives him a big toothy smile, showing all her teeth. Bellamy grins back at her; Clarke realizes she likes it better when he smiles too.

With a jerk of her head Clarke is back on the Ark in her mothers arms as she carries Clarke through the endless grey passageways in the Ark. Her mother is running, rushing through the halls. Clarke has never seen her mother run. Ever.

"Mom?" Abby doesn't answer her daughter, she doesn't even register that Clarke said anything at all.

Abby carried Clarke for a few more minutes before she drops her back on the ground in front of an unknown door. What is going on? Abby knocks on the door, once, twice, and thrice before a man opens it.

Clarke recognizes him as Councilman Kane he worked with her mum. Clarke knows he was a very important person on the Ark.

"Abby?" Kane looked questioningly down at Clarke.

"Please I need you to help us."

Kane ushers them inside, indicating for Abby and Clarke to take a seat on his couch. Abby pulls Clarke into her lap before she starts talking. She uses a lot of words Clarke doesn't understand, so she can only keep up with part of the conversation.

"Please, I need you to give her access to the nessicary drugs to help."

"Abby you know I can't do that! Those are precious to the ship, besides there is no definite proof."

Abby twists Clarke in her arms and pulls down the back of her daughter's shirt revealing the matching burn mark. Kane's eyes widen as he leans in to get a closer look. Clarke feels the sudden urge to hide under their gazes, that was her and Bellamy's special mark it wasn't for Kane or her mothers eyes to see.

"Mom what is going on?" Clarke asks in a shaky voice.

"It's called a soul-bond", Abby tells Clarke, "The first in 100 years." Her voice shakes slightly by the end of it.

"What does that mean?" Abby tucks a curl of Clarke hair behind her ear before she speaks.

"It's when you share your soul with someone else. You can get a peak into their life, experience what they experience, pleasure, joy, pain, sadness, anger, love. And in return they share all your life experiences as well. It's like always being connected to someone else. Only very special people have bonds like yours Clarke."

"So it's like having a soul-mate?" Clarke turned her head to the side in question.

"Yes," Abby agreed, "It's like having a soul-mate."

"It's remarkable for one to show up this early. There is no record of the bonding occurring in children its normally late teens and above, never someone as young as her."

Abby twists Clarke back around in her arms, "So it's not normal for this to happen to her."

Kane shakes his head, "No, I said that their was no record of it happening in children, that's not to say that it couldn't happen if a bond was especially strong like your daughter's is."

"There's no way to reverse it? Nothing that can be done?"

Kane shakes his head sadly, "No the bond was created at her birth, and she will be bonded until the day she dies. Even if her bonded partner dies she will always be connected to him in some way."

"Than I ask of you again to give us access to the drugs. If they find out about her, she will be taken and studied like a lab experiment." Kane looks down at his hands.

"She is only five years old! I can't expose a child to that!" Abby's voice had raised an octave by the end. She was practically in hysterics.

"Look even if I could give them to you. The pills wouldn't take away the affects of the bond completely; there might still be aspects that can't ever be covered up. Plus with a bond as strong as Clarke's the pills might not even have an affect with her at all. They could just make the symptoms worse."

"So what your saying is there's nothing you can do?" Abby's tone is auditory and constricted. Clarke really thinks she might cry, and her mum never cries.

"No I said I couldn't get you access to the pills that that council controls," Kane moves to the opposite side of the room and opens a hatch on the floor. He pulls out a jar pilled with little blue pills.

"I don't have a lot, only a couple more jars. So once that runs out don't come looking for a refill. I have already explained to you, Abby, the risks, there is no guarantee."

Abby is already reaching for the large bottle she eyes the pills greedily. Clarke looks down at the bottle in her mother's arms with distaste; something in her stomach twists at the sight of them. If the pills take her away from Bellamy than she doesn't want them.

That night right before Clarke goes to bed her mother gives her her first blue pill, it feels like a ton pound weight curled in Clarke tiny fingers. But Clarke swallows it anyway if only so the look of worry will leave her mothers face.

Clarke's mother may be able to stop her from seeing Bellamy but she can't take her dreams away.

Down on Earth Bellamy vows never to kill again. He won't, he can't hurt Clarke again. He can't get another kill mark. The look of pain on her face is one he never wants to be the cause of again. He had to protect her anyway he can.

Clarke makes a vow too. She vows to always draw Bellamy any way and with any thing she can find. Her room becomes decorated with images of a boy with brown hair and freckles across his nose. She draws his smile over and over again every night when she sees it in their dreams; Bellamy calls them their little adventures. They travel through forests and up mountains. Clarke draws them together, much to her mother's dismay.

When Clarke is seven Bellamy and her are laying in a meadow in one of their shared dreams when he turns to her.

"Clarke?" She hums in response

"Yeah Bell?"

"Will you do something for me?"

Clarke nods, "Of course."

"Will you stop taking the blue pills for me?"

Clarke frowns at him, looking off into the distance, "Why?"

Bellamy seems awkward suddenly fiddling with his hands.

"I can't feel you when you take them."

Clarke locks eyes with him, and she knows this has been bothering him for a long time. She has seen how protective he is of Octavia, so she knows he must feel the same way, if not more, about her. She nods her head slightly in response, agreeing with him. Bellamy's face lifts into a smile that makes Clarke's heart feel just a little bit lighter.

So every night after that Clarke places the pill under tongue, carful to hide it from her mother before she spits it out once the older woman leaves. She begins to feel Bellamy again in the corners of her mind, and eventually in every action that she does. Her smile grows brighter every day.

**III**

Clarke is sixteen when Wells asks her to her first Unity Dance. Clarke has known Wells since they were small children, she'd almost call him her best friend if it weren't for Bellamy. Clarke always felt bad about keeping Bellamy a secret from Wells, but her mother had drilled the two rules into her head; speak to no one of Bellamy, and show no sign of difference. Over and over the words repeated themselves.

Clarke had been walking down the corridor heading to her Earth Skills class, something she and Bellamy both found terribly amusing, when Wells had asked her. He'd come up behind her all nervous and babbling on about Unity Day and how kids 16 and up could attend the annual dance. Of course Clarke already knew all of this, the subject had been the only thing all the girls in her class could talk about for the last several weeks. Who was going to ask whom? What dress were they wearing? How were they going to do their hair? It was all petty nonsense in Clarkes mind.

Wells unintentional babbling is what had brought Bellamy into her head in the first place. Clarke didn't know what it was but Bellamy had never liked Wells. Clarke couldn't pinpoint exactly why but there was always this underlying deceit from Bellamy when it came to Wells.

_Careful, princess the prince is babbling again._

Clarke rolled her eyes at the stupid nickname Bellamy had been using since they were kids.

_Shut up Bell._ She mentally tried to give him a push to get him out of her head but he wouldn't budge.

Clarke had been too busy squabbling with Bellamy to notice that Wells had stopped talking and grabbed a hold of her hand. Clarke looked down at their joined hands, and couldn't help but think they looked wrong together. Part of her, a part that she kept berried deep down, really wanted it to be Bellamy's hand instead of Wells.

Sometime over the past year her relationship with Bellamy had changed like a switch. One day he's Bellamy her best friend and the next he's Bellamy this gorgeous older boy in her head. She tries to shake those thought before they can ever form for fear of Bell actually hearing them. It's not like Bellamy hadn't kissed girls, because he had _multiple times._ It was just in the last year that she went from finding the whole thing revolting to actually wishing it were her and not some nameless grounder girl. Normally Bellamy was good about blocking Clarke out of his head when he was with a girl, but get some moonshine into him and his whole guard goes down. She used to just shudder and push him out again, but now she really just wants him to touch her like that or even think about her like that. Which he definitely didn't, she was like a sister to him. Someone he has to protect like Octavia.

Clarke looked up to find Wells staring at her impatiently.

"Sorry what did you say?" Well's thumb brushed over the outside of her hand. Clarke could feel this stake of irritation whelm up in her, accept that it wasn't from her it was from Bellamy. Was Bellamy jealous?

Wells took another deep breath, "Will you be my date to the Unity Dance?"

Clarke could feel Bellamy pulling at her from the corners of her mind, trying to drag her away. No. If Bellamy could kiss other girls, than Clarke could go to the Unity Dance with her friend.

"Yes that would be great." Clarke gave Wells, who looked extremely relieved, a small smile to reassure him. Bellamy was silent.

Clarke's eyes shot wide as saucers when Wells left a kiss upon her cheek. It was feather light and barely even lasted a second, but it was still sweet. Bellamy remained silent.

_What no biting princess remark?_

Clarke waited but Bellamy never answered her. Fine if he wanted to be mad he could be mad by himself. It wasn't her fault some other boy was interested.

It was later that night after Clarke had finished getting ready when she felt him pull at her mind again. She knew he wanted her to bleed into his mind so that she could appear to him on Earth. It was something they always did when the other wanted to talk face to face. She hated fighting with him and she hated ignoring him too. It was just so much extra effort to constantly keep the barrier up between both their minds. So when he pulled her a second time more forcibly she finally gave in.

She was in a clearing when she first opened her eyes. Earth looked beautiful tonight, well it always looked too good to be true in Clarke's mind. She heard him before she felt him come up behind her. Spinning around she took a chance to look at him. He wore his usual outfit, black pants, black top, and his leather jacket. The jacket fit him much better now, he filled out the shoulders and the sleeves were finally just the right length. Clarke's heart did a little fluttering motion if she stared at him for too long.

"Are we done fighting yet?" Bellamy tucked his hands into his front pockets when he asked while looking down at his shoes.

Clarke wanted to stay mad at him, she really did. But he just looked so sad and pathetic standing in front of her like that with the moon casting shadows over his face and highlighting his eyes.

With a quiet sigh Clarke said, "Yeah were done fighting."

Bellamy looked up relieved at her, before opening his arms towards her. It was a silent invitation for her, one she took more than willingly.

She jumped wildly into his arms wrapping her arms around his neck and sticking her face into the crook of his neck. This was her favorite way to hug Bellamy, he just felt so real to her. It was in the last year that they had begun to be able to feel each other, _really_ feel when the other person touched them. Part of Clarke knew that right now to anyone else she would be alone in her room hugging the air, and she didn't care because when Bellamy hugged her back nothing else in the world mattered.

Bellamy pulled back to look at Clarke. She looked beautiful in his arms. She had on an old blue cotton dress she must have borrowed from her mothers closet to wear for tonight. It matched the colour of her eyes almost perfectly.

In that moment Bellamy wished for nothing more than to be born on the Ark that way it could be him that showed up at Clarke's door tonight. He would wear his best clothes and actually attempt to brush out his hair. Clarke would be wearing her blue dress, and they could walk to the dance hand in hand. Everyone would be able to see them- both of them- and they could dance without a care in the world. Bellamy thinks that he would kiss her if she let him that night.

"Beautiful." He whispered. Bellamy let the word slip from between his lips before he had the common sense to pull it back in. He was just so caught up in everything Clarke that nothing else mattered to him.

Clarke's eyes widened as she took him in. Bellamy knew she was searching him for any doubt to his confession, she wouldn't find any. Around Clarke Bellamy didn't have to be anyone but himself because she was his _komme de cou, his chosen._

Just as the moment had started it was gone, Bellamy could hear Abby calling Clarke, and within a few seconds she had disappeared in his arms, turning to thin air.

No sooner had Bellamy entered the forest and left the meadow behind him when Octavia landed on the ground next to him.

"O wha-" She put her finger up to silence him.

"So did you make up with Clarke yet or what?" Bellamy glared at his little sister.

"How is it that you know everything?"

Octavia smirked at him, "I'm just clever like that. And you're avoiding my question."

"Maybe because it's none of your business." Bellamy said as he began walking back toward their village completely ignoring Octavia in the process.

"It wouldn't be my business if you weren't acting all sulky and gloomy the entire day." Bellamy rolled his eyes at her.

"Seriously I thought you were going to snap Nyko's hand off when he came over to ask a question." Octavia rubbed her shoulder up against Bellamy's

"We all placed bets on how long before you cracked and contacted her."

Bellamy rolled his eye, this was so typical of them, "Oh yeah? And who won?"

Octavia smiled smugly at him, "Me of course. What little sister would I be if I couldn't pin point your weak spots?"

"The kind that minds her own business?"

Octavia pushed Bellamy's shoulder, "Aw you're no fun big brother."

Bellamy snorted in reply just as the pair broke through the tree line and entered their village.

Out of the corner of his eyes Bellamy could see Octavia run into the waiting arms of Lincoln, her chosen. Bellamy tried not to but he always felt slightly jealous of them because they could be together and touch each other where him and Clarke could only dream of that. But Bellamy was also happy for his sister; he smiled at her back as she lifted her head in greeting to Lincoln's lips.

_Come on Blake don't sulk._

_Fuck off Griffin. Go enjoy your party._

Bellamy smiled as he wondered further into the village leaving Lincoln and Octavia behind him.

_One day, princess. One day._

**IIII**

"Bellamy!" Clarke's frantic whispers made Bellamy jerk awake.

"Clarke?" He rubbed a hand over his face while trying to catch his bearings. His eyes started to adjust to the darkness around them.

He crouched down partially hidden behind hanging clothes in Clarkes closet. Clarke sat to his right her knees tucked under her chin; she was shaking slightly as she anxiously watched the closet door.

"What's going on?" Clarke was silent as she listened to the echoing stillness of her room.

"I made a mistake Bell, a really bad mistake."

Bellamy put a hand on Clarkes shoulder, "Hey you know you can tell me anything."

Clarke nodded her head slightly still refusing to look away from the closet door.

"My father found out about an error in the oxygen system. The Arks d-dying Bell."

Bellamy lightly traced their matching burn mark with his finger trying to send her any comfort he could. Clarke took another shaky breath before continuing.

"He wanted to go public with the information, but my mother didn't want him too, saying it was treason. I heard them arguing the other night. I thought if I told Wells he might be able to help, but I was wrong."

Clarke's hands turn to fists, her knuckles white as she tells him the last part. A crash sounds through the apartment.

"They're coming for us tonight."

Bellamy's blood goes cold as he hears multiple pairs of boots make their way through the hallway. They pass Clarkes room without entering it he lets out a breath. Clarke is silent next to him.

He hears Abby's scream echo down the hall. They're going to grab her father first. Bellamy snakes an arm around Clarkes shoulder and pulls her ridged figure into his side. A tear slips down her cheek as she hears the muffled struggle as the guards lead her father away.

Bellamy's fingers dig into the fabric of Clarkes t-shirt as the boots stop just outside of her door. Clarke grabs at the fabric of Bellamy shirt, just above his heart, in an iron grip.

Her door slams open and four guards enter the room. Bellamy presses a kiss into Clarke's hair as the guards circle her room, ignoring her bed once they see it is empty. Clarke pushes her face into the crook of Bellamy's neck as one guard opens the closet doors. The guard pushes apart some of the clothes with the tip of his rifle, it stills when he uncovers Clarkes hiding spot. Clarkes hot breath fans over Bellamy's neck as the guard signals to the other officers. Bellamy feels Clarke leave a kiss against the pulse point on his neck before rough hands are gripping her shoulders. Clarke doesn't leave him without a fight. She kicks and screams as the guards try to pull her out of the closet.

One of the guards pulls a syringe out of his vest pocket; it's filled with a blue liquid. Bellamy feels a chill work it's way up his spine. Clarke jerks out of one of the guards hold when she sees the syringe.

"No!" Clarke has tears running down her face.

_It's okay princess._ Bellamy tells her even though he knows it's a lie.

"Bellamy!" Clarke shrieks as the guard plunges the syringe into Clarkes arm.

The corners of his vision start to blur as he feels Clarke grow still against him. Bellamy clenches his fists against his side to try and control his rage. He can't do anything. He can't help her he can't even protect her. All he can do is watch as they lift Clarke from the closet and pull her away from him. His vision goes black and for the first time in his life he truly feels alone.

Bellamy is unconscious for four days. Octavia is frantic the entire time; she rotates between crying and threatening to kill anyone who dares to say a word to her.

When Bellamy finally does awake he jerks forward on the bed, his breathing heavy and sweat curling on his brow. Octavia has tears in her eyes when Bellamy turns towards her.

"Bell Oh thank god." Than she punches him in the shoulder, but Bellamy doesn't even appear to have felt or heard her.

"Clarke?" Bellamy frantically moves his head from side to side, his eyes roam unseeing around the tent. He yells her name again as Lincoln and Nyko enter the tent.

"Clarke." This time the call has a note of desperation in it. Bellamy turns his head to lock eyes with Octavia. He mouths Clarke's name again to Octavia who shakes her head in response. Lincoln and Nyko remain silent.

"I can't feel her."

Octavia's face turns white as she takes in her broken brother sitting in front of her. His shoulders slump and his hands shake like he's still trying to reach for Clarke across space and time. His eyes are filled with so much pain Octavia has to look away from him; he looks like a man who just lost the most important part of himself.

Octavia looks back at Nyko and Lincoln who stand against the back wall of the tent looking over the scene. Nyko looks at Bellamy with a pitying sad expression crossing his face. Lincoln on the other hand stand stoic and ridged as he meets her eye. She couldn't imagine what she would do if she ever lost him.

Bellamy doesn't speak to anyone for days, and he doesn't sleep for weeks. Most nights Octavia has to pull the bottle of gin or moonshine from his clasped hands and forcibly push him into his bed. She pretends she doesn't hear when he cries late at night or when he whispers Clarkes name wistfully in his sleep. Now she knows why the say love is weakness, and why they whisper about _komme de you_ like it is a death sentence. Octavia knows Bellamy would rather be dead than never feel Clarke again. Part of her-a very dark part-wishes he was.

**V**

Bellamy walks around his village unfeeling and unseeing, he goes on hunting trips and he fulfills his duties but he's numb to the whole business. He's formed a routine in his head, get up at dawn, go hunting till dusk, drink until he passes out sometime after 3am, and don't think about Clarke. It works for two months. Two long horrible alcohol filled months.

He's lying down in the middle of their clearing, the one where he first heard her cries, and he can't for the life of him bring himself to move. He can see the stars tonight they shine faithfully above his head mocking him. What did the stars ever do for him? The universe decided he was to love one person forever but what happens when that person is gone? What hell does he do now? What the hell does he do when he can't see her, or hear her laugh, or feel her in the corners of his mind? What can the mighty stars do about that? Nothing that's what. They mock him up in their sky- the same sky that separated him from her. Those same blasted stars shine every night, he can see them but he can't see her. He will never see her again.

Bellamy throws the bottle of gin off to his right, he hears it land with a thud on the other side of the meadow. Although the gin can quiet his mind, it can never heal the hole inside him. It can never bring her back. Nothing can ever bring her back to him.

He can hear footsteps from the opposite side of the clearing, where he threw his bottle.

"Go away O. I'll be home later." Bellamy doesn't even bother looking up he just keeps his eye unblinkingly focused on the stars. Those damn blasted stars.

"Sorry to disappoint but I'm afraid we are not your sister." The hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He knows this voice; it's from a dark part of his past.

Bellamy pulls himself onto his feet to face the intruders. There are five in total, four men and one woman. They all wear grounder clothing but have white face paint. _Azgeda_ \- ice nation. The woman who spoke has shark eyes, she neither smiles nor frowns in greeting. She merely regards Bellamy with an impassive expression. Bellamy remembers those eyes from when he was ten years old. She gave him the same expression when he killed one of her guards in the last battle between Azgeda and Trikru before the coalition was created. Bellamy's first and final kill. Yes he remembered Queen Nia of the ice nation; she still haunts his nightmares sometimes.

"Bellamy Blake of Trikru, you look much different from the last time we met."

If she notices the dark circles under his eyes and the slight shake of his hands when he stands she makes no comment.

"Queen Nia." Bellamy does not move towards the group nor does he bow or extend his hand. He stays in the middle of the clearing keeping distance from them.

"I understand you have become quite the hunter. Best in the village I heard."

Queen Nia takes Bellamy's silence as a prompt for her to continue.

"But no kills, not since we last met." She raises her eyebrow at him. Bellamy offers no comment.

"Strange isn't it? A child so gifted in fighting to step away from battle." Bellamy gives her an impassive expression, like this whole conversation was boring him.

"What is it exactly that you want?"

Queen Nia continues as if she hadn't heard him, "I've been watching you Bellamy. For awhile I could never pinpoint exactly what had made a boy no older than ten-who could take down one of my best warriors-stop fighting. Than it just clicked one day."

Bellamy felt a weight sink in his stomach, "What clicked?"

"You know there is a special word we call them in ice nation. We call them _gonsta,_ it means of the doomed. And you Bellamy Blake were doomed the moment she was born, because of course you would stop fighting to protect her, all those pesky kill marks burn her too don't they?"

Bellamy clenched his hands into fists by his side. "I don't know what you are talking about."

"Oh we have an easy fix for them in ice nation. We kill the younger the moment a bond is formed. It's just a little cut before the bond can ever grow, before it can bring down even the best of warriors. But you Bellamy Blake weren't so lucky were you? No the bond grew and grew."

Queen Nia gives him a humorless laugh and Bellamy wonders if the throbbing in his head will ever stop.

"Don't talk about things you don't understand." Bellamy says through clenched teeth.

"We were going to solve the problem for you, it would have been simple really, we did it to the Commanders precious Costia, how hard would a simple hunter be?"

"Well we were too late for you, she was already gone. Tell me how did it feel when you lost her? When you woke up to feel absolutely nothing, what thought first ran through your mind? Was it her lips or her strangled scream as she called out for you in that final moment?"

Bellamy was practically vibrating from anger. It burned in him, pumped all through his body, rising to a boil as the Queen continued to speak.

"Tell me what was it like to lose you precious Clarke?"

Bellamy saw red because no one had said Clarke's name since he first awoke. Bellamy even refused to say it in his head. He couldn't control himself, he just lunged because she wasn't allowed to talk about Clarke. No one was.

The queen backed away into the trees as her guards charged on Bellamy. He was fighting four armed men at once, but he couldn't bring himself to think his anger just took over. Bellamy couldn't even fully comprehend what he was doing as his body kicked into self-defense mode. He punched and dodged and kicked until he stood alone with four bodies at his feet, their blood covering his hands. But still Bellamy wouldn't stop, he _couldn't_ stop punching one guard over and over again because Clarke was dead. She was dead, and somehow this guard deserved it. Because Bellamy couldn't save _her,_ but he _could_ keep punching so that's what he did.

Clarke surged forward in her hospital bed. At first all she saw was the grey walls of the Ark. She was alive? But then she took in her surrounding. She wasn't in the hospital ward- no she was in what looked like a cell. There was a window facing out to space and a door on the opposite side of the room she assumed was locked and guarded. She was not in fact sitting on a hospital bed but a prison cot built into the wall. She was in solitary confinement in the Skybox. There was a screen in the wall by her bed that she assumed monitored her vitals, how long had she been under?

It's in the silence as she surveys the room when she first hears the smashing sound of flesh hitting bone. The sound of the blows has her backing up against the wall of her cot. When she looks down at her hands she sees them stained with hot slimy glossy blood. It drips from her fingers and stains her pants and shirt. Clarke can't stop the scream as it tumbles out of her mouth.

At first all Clarke can see are the tips of oak trees and the stars spiraling above her, but than she hears that sound again, the sound that makes her want to grind her teeth and at the same time run in the opposite direction. There is a shadowy outline on the other side of the- no their- meadow. It looks to be repeatedly punching another body held between the figures clenched fist.

"Bell?" She says his name cautiously like one would speak to a spooked animal. He shows no sign of hearing her, so she takes a few steps forward.

"Bellamy?" She tries again. This time he stops punching and stills for a moment. Clarke can just make out a few of the brown curls on his head in the darkness as she moves closer to him.

He turns his head to look at her Clarke stops moving towards him with a jolt because this person in front of her isn't her Bell. He stares at her with wide red-rimmed eyes, but Clarke can see the many dark circles underneath. His skin isn't the olive tone she remembers but a sickly almost green in the moonlight. His hair sits lank sticking to his forehead under a sheen of sweat. He has little specks of blood on his cheek covering up his boyish freckles. In his clenched hands is a brutally mutilated body the face barely even recognizable as human.

Bellamy releases the body from his hands; it hits the ground with a final thud, "Clarke?" He steps over the other bodies towards her.

But Clarke shakes her head slowly, tears forming in her eyes as she takes a step back from him.

"Bell what did you do?" Bellamy stares wide eyed at her, not offering an answer.

"Bellamy what happened?" Clarke yells because this isn't her Bell- this can't be her Bellamy. He wouldn't-couldn't-kill without reason.

"I-I lost you Clarke." Is his only answer his hands falling limp to his sides. The desperation is clear in his eyes but he makes no move to be closer to her.

"What are you talking about I couldn't have been under for more then a couple of days." Clarke runs a hand through her hair because she could only really have been out for a week at the most.

"Clarke you were gone for two months." Bellamy keeps his eyes on the grass beneath his feet, kicking the gin bottle he'd thrown lightly with the tip of his foot.

"No. Th-that's not possible." Clarke says shaking her head, there's no way that can be true.

"I thought you were dead Clarke! I couldn't feel you, you were just g-gone." Bellamy chokes on the last word, the emotion of it suddenly too much for him. Clarke is silent in front of him.

"I thought you were dead for two months! Do you know what that kind of torture did to me?"

Clarke mouths his name but he can't bring himself to look at her.

"You were gone, and I was so alone. Do you know what it was like to live without you for that length of time? Because it was fucking hard and it hurt like hell. Because...because I love you. I c-couldn't handle my life with you not in it. It turned me into this- this monster."

Bellamy had tears rolling down his cheeks when he said the last line, because that is what being without her turned him into- a drunken lifeless zombie. Clarke surged forward into his arms, the force of her grabbing onto him taking Bellamy's breath away. He hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms around her as Clarke nestled her head into the crook of his neck- her favorite spot.

"I forgive you. You want forgiveness? I'll give that to you. You are forgiven. I'm sorry for leaving you." Clarke whispers into Bellamy's ear. Bellamy tightened his grip on her.

"So long as you never leave me again." Bellamy felt Clarke smile against his neck.

"I promise."

Clarke blinked and she was back in her cell on the Ark. She leant her head against the wall behind her; they were going to be ok.

_Good to have you back princess._

_Princess huh? You're glad I'm not there to punch you Blake._

_You can punch me as much as you want. I'm just glad to have you back._

_Bell?_

_What?_

_I love you too._

Clarke smirked; yeah it was good to feel at home again.

**VI**

Clarke was working on a particularly detailed picture of her and Bellamy's meadow when she feels fingers lightly trace over her left hand. _Bell..._

The fingers moved up her arm, following her veins up onto her neck. Clarke's cheeks begin to heat up as she felt Bellamy pull back the fabric of her shirt that covered her shoulder. She let out a light gasp when she felt his lips press lightly on their matching burn mark.

"Bellamy..." Clarke warned lightly as Bellamy moved his lips sucking on the pulse point on her neck. Her skin felt on fire at the contact.

"You should not have this much control over me when you're not even really here." Clarke grumbled as Bellamy nipped at her ear lobe.

"Just think how _great_ it will be when we actually are together." Bellamy's husky voice whispered in her ear. Something in Clarke's stomach fluttered whenever he spoke like that.

The door to her cell slid open revealing a stern looking guard.

"Prisoner 89 face the wall." Clarke's eyes went wide.

"No I don't turn 18 for a couple of weeks! It's not my time yet."

"Prisoner 89 face the wall." The guard repeated, clearly not caring about weather or not it was Clarke's time.

Over the past 11 months she'd been in solitary the only people to enter her cell was the doctor once a month and a guard with a food tray for her meals. So this guard standing with nothing in his hands was not a good sign. Clarke obeyed his directions and stood facing the wall.

Bellamy stood in front of the wall hands in fists as he stared down the guard. Clarke knew the guard had no idea that Bell was even there but it still felt good to have someone else with her. Someone else on her side.

_Stay with me ok?_

_I'm not going anywhere princess._

Clarke felt Bellamy leave a kiss on her forehead as the guard patted her down to make sure she didn't have any contraband hidden on her.

"Prisoner 89 turn around." Clare obeyed. She turned to face her cell door as a doctor entered. Bellamy wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her against his chest. They weren't going to separate them ever again.

The doctor held out Clarke's wrist examining the veins.

"What is going on?" The doctor ignored her and signaled for his assistant instead.

The assistant was holding what looked like a metal wristband. He clamped it down on Clarke's wrist before she could object. The metal band had a number of spikes lining the inside of it. Clarke jerked her hand backwards when they pushed into her skin. She could see the matching pink pin pricks circling around Bellamy's wrist as well. What the hell was this?

"Follow me." The guard signals for Clarke to follow him out into the hall. Clarke's stomach sinks. She hasn't left her cell in almost a year, and she knows what she'll meet when she leaves. She'll be floated. Clearly the oxygen problem is worse than she thought if the council is willing to float juveniles before they turn 18.

_Bell what should I do?_ Clarke's panic rising with every passing moment.

_Run._ So Clarke does. She flies past the doctor and his assistant before they can interpret what's happening. The guard stands in the center of the doorframe blocking her exit. Without thinking Clarke punches the poor guy right in the face. He flies off to the side out of the doorframe being caught off guard by the blow.

_That's my girl!_

_Shut up Blake._

Clarke was running down the landing trying to figure out what her next move would be when she felt someone grab her by her shoulders and pull her down.

"Mom?" Clarke asks bewildered. What is going on?

"You're going to Earth Clarke."

Clarke looked wide-eyed over the landing railway to where the other prisoners were being loaded into an old drop ship. Earth. They were all going down to Earth. _Bellamy._

She was just about to stand when a familiar stern voice sounded behind her.

"Doctor Griffin step away from prisoner 89."

Clarke turned to find her guard pointing his gun at her with one hand while the other tried to stop his bleeding nose. Clarke couldn't help but feel a little smug; maybe Bellamy was rubbing off on her. She held up her hands and didn't object when the guard signaled for the doctor to approach her.

It wasn't until she saw the doctor pull out a syringe filled with clear blue liquid that she began to panic. The memory of spending two months in a coma still fresh in her mind, the idea of losing Bellamy again makes her hands shake slightly. Clarke hadn't been able to sleep peacefully for the first 3 months after waking up. She had nightmares about not being able to feel Bellamy or even see him. Bellamy was there through the whole thing; for every nightmare, every panic attack, and every terror filled scream before she awoke. He lived them too, with Clarke's nightmares bleeding into his dreams. He remained the only person to be able to calm her. Yet even after almost nine months just seeing the mere syringe set her back into a panic attack.

Clarke stumbled backwards away from the doctor, tripping backwards in her haste and falling onto the floor.

"No. Please." Clarke managed to whimper with her body shaking so violently.

The doctor moved closer too her, syringe still in hand. The guard was now trying to restrain Clarke's mother who was yelling at the poor doctor who didn't seem to care about Clarke's apparent panic attack.

_Calm down Clarke._ Bellamy's soothing voice entered her mind.

_Bell...the...syringe._

_Just breathe Clarke. Breath._

The doctor grabbed at Clarkes upper arm his fingers digging into her skin as he positioning the syringe. Clarkes breathes turned into ragged heaving gulps as her lungs tried in vain to suck in any air. Clarke stared wide eyes down at the syringe unable to yank her arm away or pull her eyes from it. The doctor plunges the syringe's needle into Clarkes flesh; her scream dies in her throat.

_Bell!_ She's unconscious before her head hits the floor.

Bellamy collapsed on the floor of his and Octavia's shared tent. He came through 1 hour later as Octavia argued with Nyko over weather or not to try and wake him. O turned her glare from Nyko to him clearly looking for an explanation as she opened her mouth to yell at him.

"Clarke." Was his only reply causing any backlash from Octavia to dry up in her mouth.

"Is she okay?"

Bellamy closed his eyes to allow himself to focus. He could feel her in the corners of his mind, she was awake but in various states of confusion and disorientation. From what Bellamy could tell she was also pissed at someone else, her thoughts were moving too quickly for him to be able to interpret all of them fully. Wells name popped up more than once so Bellamy had to assume he was somehow involved.

_Stop snooping Blake._

Bellamy rolled his eyes, "Yeah O she's completely fine, sassing me as usual."

Octavia let out a laugh, "Tell her good job from me."

It was five minutes later when Bellamy was walking through a path leading to the main part of his village when he was suddenly being forced down onto the mud like some immense force was pushing against him. Bellamy closed his eyes and let his mind bleed into Clarke's. She sat buckled into a seat as she fell through the sky and down towards Earth. Her head was glued to the back of her chair as the atmospheric pressure made it completely impossible for her to move. The kids around her were screaming but Clarke kept her mouth definitely shut, Bellamy had to admire her for her strength.

Like a switch being flipped he was back on Earth. Lincoln and Octavia each had a hold of one of his arms trying to lift him onto his feet. Bellamy stumbled out of their hold and regained his balance before taking off into the woods, his body running on autopilot. It was like he was back to the first time he heard her cries, that desperate need to get to her only intensified because this time he could feel her- her rising panic- only fueling his drive to get to her. Clarke was falling to Earth in a 100-year-old metal death trap he'd be damned if he wasn't there to welcome her home.

She had become this huge beacon for him drawing him ever closer to her. It was like she was his final destination and he had this blinding need to reach her. He had been storming through the forest bypassing one tree after another after another as he clambered through the undergrowth when he heard the resounding crack echo through the sky above him. He barely had enough time to duck behind a tree the as the flying metal drop ship sailed over his head burning the tops of the trees above him. Bellamy realized the whole thing had caught on fine and was shooting sparks off of it as it flew at record speeds over his head. He felt that pull low in his gut again as he took off after the giant metal thing. This time though he knew where it was going, he realized now how inevitable this whole situation was.

The ground shook below him but he never stopped running. He took that as evidence that the drop ship carrying Clarke had just touched down on the earth. He could see smoke billowing up into the sky as he made his way passed trees he had marked by memory in his mind. Bellamy stood just inside the tree line to his and Clarke's meadow looking out at a warped and burned metal drop ship that sat at the far end of it. She was so close.

Bellamy realized with a jolt that he couldn't enter her mind this didn't scare him though. He'd learned from Octavia that just before she first met Lincoln her ability to read his thought had been turned off, she could still feel him but her ability to speak to him had been inhibited. It was like the universe wanted to add just this last bit of blind love and faith for their first meeting. Octavia had said that once she had been able to touch Lincoln the block between their minds had disappeared and she was able to read his thoughts once more. Bellamy hoped this was true for him and Clarke. He stood anxiously watching the flaming metal ship with the hope that soon he would be able to hold Clarke, it scared the shit out of him as mush as it filled his body with warmth.

The drop ship door fell open; at first all Bellamy could see was a silent black hole. Than suddenly like a swarm being unleashed teenagers burst forth onto the grass of the meadow. Bellamy listened as they whooped and yelled at each other while marveling at the environment around them. Bellamy scanned the different heads as they trailed out of the drop ship entrance looking for that perfect shade of sun kissed blond. His eyes bounced from one to another desperation filling him as each second ticked by.

Clarke was one of the last to step out of the drop ship, more nervous than most. She knows she shouldn't be because this was Bellamy. The same Bellamy she shared a soul with, the one person who had been her whole world since she was very little and yet she still paused right at the lip of the drop ship door, just inside the darkness. She hovered there staring out at the world from her cave of darkness. At first she didn't recognize the place they had landed with so many other bodies running around on it. Yet as she did a closer inspection of the trees she knew this to be her and Bellamy's meadow. This was their place. The first piece of land she would touch would be a part of them- their special place. Suddenly Clarke wasn't so scared of the what ifs, he was her future and she wasn't going to let it slip through her fingers.

She took two sure steps out of the drop ship her feet landing on dirt and grass. Real pieces of Earth, the place she had been denied her whole life. At first all she could sense was the bright sun light, her eyes weren't quite ready for. Yes she had seen the sun before through Bellamy's eyes but it didn't quite prepare hers for what it was really like. She took a few more steps into the center of their meadow, closing her eyes and tipping her head up towards the sun, she spun in a slow circle soaking up the suns heat on her skin- her real skin- for the first time.

She stopped spinning when she saw him for the first time. He seemed to materialize out of the trees on the north side of the meadow dead in front of her. He was like day after an entire life of darkness. He was like a pulsing heart beat beckoning her to him. She took off after him without a second thought. Bellamy met her halfway their separate visions melting into one as she threw her arms around him. His arms wrapped around her waist, she felt like exploding and melting all at once. His touch electrifying her with his heat. Clarke let the laugh that had bubbled up in her burst from her lips because he was home and she was finally returning to him after a very long absence.

Bellamy laughed along with the girl in his arms, his hands tightening around her waist as he spun her in a circle. The girl- this girl wrapped up in his arms was the other half he'd been missing his entire life.

Clarke pulled back first and looked directly into his eyes, Bellamy felt his throat go dry because he had never looked at something as pure and real and beautiful as her. She reached out and lightly traced her finger over a couple of his freckles. Than her eyes were suddenly on his lips, and Bellamy had never wanted to kiss someone so much in his life.

He reached forward and lightly placed his hand under her chin bringing her face up to his. He waited, their breaths fanning over each others faces, his eyes searching hers. There was so much yearning, so much need in hers that he couldn't deny her another second. Their lips met half way; it set off a chain reaction through his body. Every part of him was simultaneously coming together and being pulled apart at the same time. He could feel her- every single inch of her. Their hearts pulsing as one, their bodies melting into each others as the kiss came to it's climax. Bellamy and Clarke both pulled away at the same time breathing heavily. Bellamy couldn't look away from Clarke's red and swollen lips- the same lips he'd spent many nights dreaming about tasting.

"You were right." Clarke smirked at him.

"About what?" He smirked right back at her because she did not get to look that cute while doing it.

"That kiss makes every touch we shared while apart look pretty weak."

Bellamy laughed and kissed her again. Whoever said love was weakness had never felt as light and complete as he did right now.

**Author's Note:**

> This story will also be posted eventually to my fanfiction.net account under BlushingBeauty


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